close your eyes and swallow: the KFC Double Down

11 Oct

Love it or hate it, the concept of the KFC Double Down is groundbreaking. The gastro-engineers at KFC displayed true out-of-the-box thinking when they proposed a paradigm shift away from the bread-based sandwich monopoly. In fact, it’s hard to comprehend the full ramifications of this new product without an analogy. Replacing bread with chicken is like replacing half of the English alphabet with Arabic characters, or replacing ocean water with Mountain Dew: sexy but dangerous. Did I mention this is also the Atkins sandwich of this generation, of this decade? Fuck yes.

Figure 1. What’s in me?

Now, let’s talk about the taste. Remember that time you were eight years old, and you were Russian, and your grandmother fried up a section of a cow’s small intestine in a centilitre of butter? Then, she put it in on a piece of bread that already had butter, cheese, and salami on it. The double-down tastes similar to that, but only if you were to deep-fry said sandwich and add gravy. Is it good? Yes. Is it bad? Yes. Will your taste buds be confused and your arteries concerned? Definitely.

One thing the Double Down is not is comfort food. It is pure depression. It will lubricate your descent down the spiral to rock bottom, and you’ll stay there because you’ll be too fat to get up. To make things worse, you’ll also realize that nothing will ever be alright. There won’t be a cure for cancer. There won’t be a viable alternative to fossil fuel. And, worst of all, Sarah Palin will win in 2012.


One Response to “close your eyes and swallow: the KFC Double Down”

  1. momjeans October 11, 2010 at 7:37 pm #

    finally some substance, urbanpocketknife. finally.

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